firstly, i need to warn those who read my blog, it will mostly about my emotional roller coaster. because, i'm gonna have the willing to write on my blog whenever i feel sad or when i'm totally bored or when i'm so much angry to someone.
baru balik dari Krabi. and got the news that all my beloved kittens dah kena buang sebab kencing merata. the whole day aku nanges. makanan diorg, susu diorg, shampoo diorang ada lagi.n aku keep thinking about them. selalu diorg main2, teman aku waktu aku bosan sorang2 kat rumah..i can watch them the whole day without getting bored, and by just look at them, i think i really can reduce my stress. i'm so sad right now. so so so sad.
even when typing this post, i'm crying like crazy. can i say, while staying at home, 50% of my photo gallery was occupies by buluk junior and those huskies huskies. but u know what is the saddest part, i am totally helpless. i cant ask them, kat mana diorg buang kucing aku. the words just wont come out. and i ask jiji "kucing mana?" and then the tears keep coming. i just cannot be alone or do nothing as it will cause me to cry non stop.
sedih ni, buat aku question balik all the things that happen to me.
sedih ni, buat aku tanya, kenapa aku kena sentiasa rasa sedih.
sedih ni, buat aku rindu arwah adik.
sedih ni, entahlah, rasa macam dah x boleh tahan dah.
i got no one to talk to.
i only got my kittens to relieve all the pain. but then, they are all gone. all gone without me saying goodbye.
there's so many painful things that happen in my life,and this lost is just one of it. but i can't tell the others. why? because it will makes me weak,
i miss my kittens. buluk junior, huskies huskies, miko. but i am helpless
there's so many things happen in this 5 years. so many and its unfair. unfair to put the burden on me alone. the burden that can be distribute to 3 peoples, but i face it alone. i dont know how to share with others. i dont know how to cry my problem out and share with people, even my besties. i just cannot share all the problems. because i dont know how.
that's why i love to write on diary or blog or notes in the handphone whenever i feel something wrong with my life.
that's why i need my kittens to share my problem. i admit it, i hate big cat because i think they can manage their own life. that's why i love tommy more, compared to kepsi. and when tommy died, i cry like crazy. but i pretend to sleep, and this is the untold story of mine. it is painful to see a kitten suffer. they cannot take care of themselves and it's unfair to let kittens begging for food. it is unfair.
but what can i do. i have no more company whenever i'm home alone. just like before. and i always said to myself: FUCK THIS LIFE!